Another so-so day

It started well, but quickly went downhill. The computer froze and locked up repeatedly, and at one point it looked like I was going to lose all my files, pictures, all my homeschooling records. That made me a very unhappy camper. Turns out the computer had a Trojan that the virus program was trying to get rid of, and that attempt was freezing and crashing the computer. Had to run the pc recovery program 5 times before I finally got it up and running!

Spent most of the day getting the computer up and running, doing the dishes and household chores, and waiting in O hand and foot because of his infected foot, so didn't eat when I should have, ran out to buy groceries and wound up eating 1/2 bag of Old Dutch chips and a Kit-Kat bar. And now I'm right back to trying to get on the wagon.

My neck and jaw feel horrible, though, it feels like my ear, jaw and the area in between on my left side is getting infected and I can barely open my mouth. I'm incredibly nauseous again from the iron pill, not as bad as yesterday, I did take the pill with food and vitamin C, but still don't feel great. I have no sense of hunger, so I'm just eating when my blood sugar falls and I become dizzy, fuzzy-headed and ravenous.

Tomorrow is a football game day, and I'm working the bbq, so I will not have much access to good food, and won't have time to eat regularly. I really need to get a handle on this soon.

Tomorrow's plan:
breakfast- oatmeal or muesli
lunch-soup and sandwich
dinner-curry in crockpot or salmon with couscous and sauteed veg

yoga sun salutes in am
go for walk after dinner

Human redux

Did pretty good today, ate:

1 mandarin
1 oz cheddar cheese
2 slices of bread with butter and honey
3 cups of milk
1 small bowl beef stew (the meat was making me gag)
1 slice bread with the stew
1 pear
1 slice bread with natural peanut butter
and a Kit-Kat.

Ok, not great, but certainly better than I have lately, and more real food too!

Went for a 50 minute walk after dinner, that's when I stopped for the Kit-Kat, and did some stretching, man am I stiff and sore!

I drank my Pao D'arco with breakfast and after dinner, and had a large glass of water with psyllium husks, to counteract the effects of the iron pills. Did not have my yogurt.

Tomorrow's plan:
breakfast: oatmeal with milk and brown sugar
lunch: chicken noodle soup (homemade) with tuna or veg and cheese sandwich
dinner: pan fried salmon, rice pilaf, and sauteed broccoli, kale, peppers and onions
snack: yogurt (w/ or w/o muesli)

Exercise: sun salutes and 45 minute walk in am, before O wakes up, yoga dvd in evening if my energy level is up to it.

Make tea first thing and drink after thyroid pill. Take iron pill with Vitamin C pill at breakfast. Cut down sinus pills to 1 every 4-6 hours (it feels like I'm getting an infection in my jaw, I've had trouble chewing all day, we'll see where the pain levels are tomorrow. My TS is really generally on a waning phase right now, but my jaw tic is really out of control and I wake up in enormous pain from grinding my teeth and jaw all night.)

Try to do a yoga routine including shoulder stands and take a walk or otherwise wear myself out before bed to avoid having to take sleeping meds.

Feeling human

I wound up with a wicked migraine last night, from all the crappy food, lack of exercise, and all the pain killers I've been depending on. Stress has been making me grind my teeth more, giving me more of a headache, the bad diet and candida is giving me horrible sinus pain, so I've been taking sinus medication for about a month straight now. The migraine last night was a rebound headache when I didn't take the sinus meds as usual.

My head and neck were so sore, and I was so nauseous from the pain and all the meds and supplements in my system that I could barely eat, managed to eat, what else, a bag of chips, but even the crunching was hurting my head. It was all I could do to eat a bit and lie down in the dark.

After doing some more research online last night about candida and anemia and other issues I have, I reminded myself that the headaches, muscle aches, exhaustion and fatigue, cold sweats and being out of breath on even short, 2 minute, walks were all symptoms of either the candida or the anemia, and I need to deal with the underlying issues, or this diet and exercise plan will never work, no matter how commited I am.

This morning took an iron pill with my thyroid pill. Big mistake, need to have it with food! My stomach is soooo sore. Managed to eat a mandarin and some cheese for breakfast. Must remember to take the iron pill tomorrow morning with food and a vitamin C tablet.

Have not had any sugar yet today, which is great for me. Will try to avoid any sugar today, and start slowly tapering off the sinus med, the gravol I've also been taking for weeks for all the nausea and insomnia I've been having, and try to cut out caffeine (again, learned my lesson yesterday, slooooowly.)

I aim to eat a tuna sandwich and canned soup for lunch, and beef stew on rice for dinner, and add a fresh salad with nuts and a boiled egg somewhere in there for a snack.

I also aim to take a 45 minute walk today, and do 30 minutes of yoga.

Baby steps

Yesterday's lunch was fantastic, really satisfying, but it's disheartening how much work I have to put into having a healthy lunch at work, and how I basically have to sneak off to eat it so my boss doesn't notice me "wasting time" (unless I eat at my desk, while simultaneously answering emails and returning phone calls.) I'm also the office freak because I don't drink coffee or smoke! That is a seriously unhealthy place.

I did pretty good yesterday, didn't drink any pop, did have some tea with sugar, but just a bit, and only snuck two cookies from the kitchen. Did okay at home, didn't go off to buy chips when I was ravenously hungry, managed to eat enough at work to keep my wits about me and make a snack. Had a bit of steak and some pasta salad for dinner.

Then the carb craving hit around 10pm. Since I froze the extra muffins so I wouldn't eat a dozen in a day, and had purged my cupboards of most the snack type stuff, I wound up going back to early childhood and creaming butter and sugar together and eating that, yuck. Felt violently ill afterward, plus started having crazy mood swings. And noticed my tongue is covered in a white film and cracked, and I have sores in my mouth. All signs of a major candida infestation again. I'm not keeping up with the Pao D'arco tea, or the garlic, nor am I anywhere near sugar-free yet. My head is killing me, I have to take Gravol on a daily basis for nausea, I'm living on OTC drugs, what is wrong with me? I know that I will feel better when I'm sugar free, it's just going to take a week or two of feeling like utter crap to get to that point.

Back in the saddle

I woke up early today, probably not nearly enough sleep, but, oh well... I did get a jump start on my day, and made most of my lunch last night, so I just have to pack up the soup and go.

I was hoping to kick start my fitness plan a bit by doing some stair climbing in the bowl at work, but the bowl is on a strictly need-to access and is a hard-hat area this week, because of the ice install and rigging being done in the upper deck. Ah, I'm so good at finding excuses!

Had 2 muffins, 1 cheese stick, a boiled egg and 1/2 orange for breakfast. Packed up a great salad in my lunch box thingie, mixing the veggies in the lower section and putting the dressing, cheese, egg and nuts in the upper one. It fit everything perfectly. I also packed up some fruit, and leftover minestrone from last night. Should be a good lunch.

Oooops I did it again

I woke up late today, couldn't get it together to make breakfast before work, wolfed down three (homemade) muffins and a banana for my combined breakfast and lunch at 2pm at work, and came home so hungry and tired that I ran out and bought chips and ate most of the large bag before I remembered that I had food prepped for me to eat! Arrrggghh!

So, diet starts tomorrow, really!!!!

The plan for tomorrow:

Pack a breakfast of 2 muffins, an apple, a cheese stick and a few lime slices to add to soda water at work, lunch of leftover soup from tonight and a small, tossed green salad with a boiled egg, the last of the goat cheese, toasted nuts and some tamari-sesame dressing in separate containers.

Walk or bike to and from work.
Do a yoga dvd before bed.
Meditate.

So, I've already blown my diet

Diets don't work, that's what everyone says, and I'm living proof.

No really, I seriously am going to work on this no sugar thing, starting... tomorrow.

The problem today, I think, was that I didn't have a meal planned out well for breakfast, so I just had bread, butter and honey, and I didn't eat lunch, so then I was starved by 4pm and went and got chips. Again. I know all this. I do this stuff every day. I knew today was the day I wanted to start my diet. So why didn't I plan this all out a little better?

I still haven't made the multi-grain bread I've been meaning to make this week, nor the apple carrot muffins, nor the cookies to put in the freezer for when I really have to have a treat. Since I didn't make the homemade snack food I need, I wound up snacking on crap again.

So...lesson learned. What am I doing for tomorrow?

I need a breakfast and lunch plan. I'm sick and tired of toast, or bread and butter, and I'm to the point where another sandwich will send me over the edge. I need to plan some real food.

Monday:
breakfast: smoothie or muesli
lunch: muffin, apple and cheese,
dinner: tortellini minestrone with hot italian sausage

Tuesday:
breakfast: muffin, fruit and cheese
lunch: leftover soup
dinner: sirloin steak and pasta salad

Wednesday:
breakfast: oatmeal
lunch: leftover pasta salad
dinner: goat cheese frittata with crusty bread and green salad

Fall goal setting

185 lbs.

That's the starting point as of today.

Goal weights for next few weeks:

Week 1: September 2 - 184
Week 2: September 9 - 182
Week 3: September 16 - 180
Week 4: Septermber 23 - 179

Long term goal:
140 lbs by July 1/08



Short term diet goals:
reduce sugar
measure dairy products
reduce butter
eat red meat at least 5 times a week (get iron checked at end of September)
increase leafy greens
eat 1 apple daily
limit pasta and bread
choose meals carefully at work
pack lunch for work more often

Short term exercise goals:
go out for 30 minute walk daily
do yoga 4x's/week
attend basic step class every Wed in September
attend at least one other fitness class at the Y per week in September

Seriously, I mean it, the diet starts tomorrow

I knew that there would be no way I could stick to a reasonable diet this week, between work, hanging out with Geri, and the football game. But I really do mean it that I will start seriously working on my diet and exercise regime tomorrow.

There are no events coming up at the arena or stadium until Sept. 4th. Most of O's upcoming football games are home games, meaning that it'll be easier for me to bring along my own food, and I will be up and walking around helping out with the bbq and other stuff. The Y is starting their fall schedule next week, so there will be more classes, and more beginner and light weight classes for me to choose from. Hockey season is starting and I will be running around at work 5-6 hours a days. All in all, this should make it a little easier for me to commit to, and stick to, a diet and exercise plan.

Add to all this the fact that my work pants are soooo tight on me that I'm afraid to get on the scale and find out where I am. I will weigh in tomorrow, though, and post measurements, so I'll be really embarrassed to have to keep posting no progress. I think I should also commit to blogging my food and exercise daily, and commit to a regular time to do that, like bedtime.

Be careful what you wish for

When I was a kid I really wanted to live off fair ground food, would have been totally happy to eat hot dogs, hamburgers, french fries, those little fried donuts, and anything on a stick.

As an adult, I will pay never to have to eat this crap again!! Seriously!!

I worked at the stadium last night. At the arena, the food options are pretty bad, but at least I can usually have a bowl of the soup and something resembling a salad from the buffet. At the stadium staff meals are given by voucher. That means that I can go to any of the concessions to eat. Which means that my healthiest choices are hot dogs and hamburgers. The only other options are smokies, fried donuts, popcorn drenched in "butter substitute", chocolate bars, twizzlers, slurpees and pizza by the slice.

At least with all the walking not only on the main floor, but having to hike up the ramp (equivalent of about 8 stories or so), I got a bit of exercise. Made up a bit for the cheeseburger and 7-up I had for dinner.

And today is a football game day for O, which means buying another hot dog or hamburger and a pop (I don't have to, but it raises money for the teams, and it's pretty rude not to, and it's way easier than packing several meals to bring with me.) I had back bacon and whole wheat buttermilk pancakes for breakfast, so I should probably go pretty easy on the lunch, and try to get out for a long walk today. Really must fix my bike today, I'm missing out on some easy exercise that way.

Reality Check

I need these every now and then. I've been having good days and bad days. Specifically a "good" day (one with lots of physical activity) is inevitably followed by a "bad" day (one where I can barely get off the couch.) I know I've said it over and over, but I really have to go easy on my body these days, I just can't expect out of it what I could 10 years ago.

So, the plan for today:
Breakfast-steel cut oats with 1/2+1/2 and brown sugar
Lunch-mixed salad with goat cheese and a boiled egg
Dinner-steak sandwich? or maybe another beef stirfry
snack-yogurt, fruit and a muffin
make sure to drink 2 cups of Pao D'arco tea

exercise plan:
do the Shiva Rea dvd sun salutes to wake myself up a bit
go for a mid to long walk

ok, so I've already had a big glass of milk and a handful of chocolate chips, I'm human

Ugh!

I woke up at 6am today, with a queasy stomach, sore back, and woozy head. I'm so sick of being sick, and sick of being so sick that I don't take good care of myself and get even more sick.

In the immortal words of Bill the Cat: "Accckk Thhhtttppppp!"

Ate 2 cheeseburgers and a coke at the Football game

'Nuff said.

Yoga is supposed to be relaxing!

I can't believe how old and out of shape I feel. I didn't think it'd been that long since I last did a regular yoga practice, but man, I felt like a total beginner yesterday (except that what I can still do, I do well, so the really slow beginning dvd was totally annoying at some points.) I'm not going to have the time today to practice yoga before O's game. I wanted to practice when I got up, while O was still sleeping, but for the first time in about 2 years, O woke up at 10am and I realized that I had so much to do today that I couldn't stop to do anything for myself. I hate days like that.

I'm realizing before I even get to the fitness and good health stuff, I'm going to have to work on simplifying and purging my life and getting back into a good routine, so I have the time and space to do the stuff I want.

Accounting

Did pretty good today after all. Walked to and from work, and did the Yoga for Beginners dvd (the Shiva Rea one turned out to be too hard at the moment, or, more specifically, my body is too soft and squishy for it.) Made beef burguignon for dinner, quite yummy. Then had a massive sugar craving and ate some butter and sugar creamed (yuck, I'm channeling my childhood when I'd sneak the creamed butter and sugar out of the bowl when my mom made pound cake.)

Also had two slices of toast with butter, and three slices of bread and butter with the stew. I'm definitely craving some carbs, but it's not the total brain meltdown it was a few weeks ago. All in all, things are getting better. Still forgot my tea again today, will need to get on that tomorrow.

And I have two glorious days to sleep in and not worry about when I have to get up, ahhh, the life.

Oh the temptation!

I'm at work, I'm going to work longer than I thought I would, and now I'm craving an order of buffalo wings from Charlie Biggs upstairs. They are soooo yummy!

Update: I resisted the sweet siren song of buffalo wings with ranch dip, opting, instead, for the much easier on my wallet, intestines and ass, 6 inch tuna sub on whole wheat from Subway. Probably more satisfying because I didn't finish it and immediately crave a dozen more, like I would have with the buffalo wings. And maybe now I won't be too nauseous and crappy feeling to do yoga tonight. I still haven't done the Shiva Rea dvd I was so excited about buying 2 weeks ago. If only buying exercise equipment burned as many calories as actually using it, sigh.

I will try to take a good (by which I mean horribly, horribly bad) picture of myself to have a before to compare myself to. Maybe I'll even post the honest truth about my weight and measurements, that'll keep me honest (or curled up in the fetal position, crying)

Back on the Wagon...

I hope!

So, rested up again for a while, and now I'm feeling slightly more human. I did a largish grocery shop yesterday, better than I have for a while, and bought good stuff, and planned out meals for a week. Hopefully we can stick to it this week.

For breakfast today I made some steel-cut oats, sauteed in a bit of butter first, with 1/2 + 1/2 and maple syrup. I know, doesn't sound like much of a "diet" breakfast, but there is a method to my madness.

First of all, this is all about eating better, not just losing weight, eating real food, good, home-cooked food. Secondly, because of the thyroid and O's football, I'm experimenting with eating TF (traditional foods), which is necessarily a lot more fat/meat/dairy involved than the current "good" diet looks like.

I haven't lost any weight, in fact a bit has crept on again, but my skin looks fahhhhbulous, like buttah! I haven't stuck well enough to the diet to see if it will help my weight or energy levels, I'm still eating a bag of Doritos or a chocolate bar or 6 every day, and haven't been taking my Pao D'arco tea for the candida, so there's no way I would know how this works for me right now.

So, what I really need to do, starting today, is get my snacking/junk food/pop/crap food addiction under control. It's hard being at work and having access to all the worst stuff, and no good stuff, but I have the next 3 weeks or so without being in the restaurant and around the crappy food and pop guns, so hopefully I can use this time to establish some good habits, and get back in the swing of food planning and prep.

Update on today

Wound up sleeping most of the evening, I guess I'm still sick from that flu and fighting it off. I'm feeling completely exhausted still, even though I slept all evening. Needless to say, I didn't wind up doing the yoga dvd like I wanted to. I could barely handle walking to the pharmacy up the street for milk and batteries. Hope I feel more energetic tomorrow.

Meals for today:

breakfast: Raisin Bran and milk
lunch: 1/2 wrap leftover from yesterday with ham, chicken and lettuce, 1 cup milk
dinner: homemade burrito with leftover chili and cheese, 1 cup milk

I'm pretty sure I ate more than this today, but can't for the life of me remember what it was right now. Sheesh, I'm old, sick and fat. How much lamer can I get!

Weigh-in

I weighed myself yesterday, but didn't post, so here's the verdict:
179 lbs

Not great, I'm still about 12 lbs up from my low of last year, but down from the horrid 185 of 2 weeks ago. At least I'm below 180.

This means my net weight loss now over 4 years is 16 lbs, down from my all-time, post-hypothyroid high of 195 lbs.

My goal for the next weigh-in, Monday, August 21, is 177 lbs.

My exercise goal for this week is to do yoga every day except Saturday. Since O has another football game that day, I'll use that as a rest day.

I will start the Couch to 5K program next week, with the aim to complete it in the 9 weeks alloted, but will probably need to repeat at least a few weeks in the middle, as I think it might progress too fast for me after week 4. Last thing I want now is to get sick, again!

I had a milk shake and a lemon square from Tall Grass yesterday, but had 2 pieces of fruit, and some veggies in my wrap for dinner. Went with O to Junior's for the milkshake, but passed up anything else, so I feel pretty good about that.

I feel really shaky and dense today, have all week. I will try to make sure I drink my Pao D'arco tea, and really start on cutting out the sugar from my diet this week. Other than that, I'll mostly be focusing on eating 3 meals and 2 snacks, eating no processed foods this week (I'm off work most of the week, so that shouldn't be a big problem), eating enough protein and increasing my water intake. I've been getting progressively more dehydrated, I wake up feeling hung over every morning and my pee has been daffodil yellow for a couple of weeks now. I'm obviously not getting enough water with the incredible heat, and my cold sweats that I've been having for several weeks now too.

Accountability

I'm blogging here to have some accountability to my weight loss/fitness plan for the next few months/years/decades, however long it takes me to lose this damn weight!

August 12/07
today's weight: 180 lbs
breakfast: 1/2 cup balkan yogurt and 1/3 cup Bob's Red Mill Muesli